You might want to Sit Down
by songfire15
Summary: Felix and Calhoun have gotten married and it's wedding night. Felix is unaware of what exactly happens after the vows and this leads to rather entertained Calhoun and very red-faced Felix. Fluffy one-shot for Hero's Cuties. This is my first WIR fic, enjoy! Rated T for slight sexual references.


Her carrying him over the threshold was a little unorthodox, he supposed, but a beaming smile remained on Felix's lips as they entered the honeymoon suite to begin the first night of the rest of their lives. Calhoun, she insisted he call her Tammy, had been a fit of giggles after the wedding ceremony had ended; laughing at the smallest things, an example being when she opened a gift from one of the nicelanders and it turned out to be a very revealing set of lingerie. Felix didn't get what was so funny. He'd have to ask at a later time.

They entered the room and a beautiful silk duvet adorned the king size bed with two pillow mints set ever so perfectly on the pillows. A couple of towels had been twisted and formed into two birds, facing each other as if longing to give a kiss to the other. A large bay window opened to the outside and a tree lined pond created a picturesque view from the inside. In a small ice bucket set on the kitchenette counter, a bottle of champagne silently bubbled atop a mound of ice and two flute glasses were placed on either side.

Tammy stepped over towards a couch that sat next to the bed and gently sat him down onto it with a quick motion. She kissed his cheek then pulled away with a mysterious smile dancing on her lips and headed to the small kitchenette that held a mini fridge, microwave, and coffee pot. She pulled the champagne from the bucket and examined it a moment before looking over at him and holding up the bottle in question.

He gave a curt nod and watched as she popped open the bottle in a flourish, the fizz and crackle ringing through the silence of the room. As she poured the drink into the glasses, a small, sweet smile danced on his face. He saw a smile on her he hadn't seen in quite some time, he guessed since he had proposed to her. She had practically jumped him when he knelt down and pulled out a ring, kissing him before he even asked the question. The smile she wore now was even brighter than that time and it made his heart happy to know she was happy too.

She returned to the couch and sat down, glasses in hand and handed him one. The glasses chimed together with a clink as they toasted to love, happiness, and themselves.

Felix gulped down a swig of champagne, the sweet, bubbly drink went down his throat smoothly, and turned to her with a tender smile. "I think there is no happier man on the planet than I am today."

"And no happier woman than I, Felix." She took one last swig from her glass and set it down on the side table, turning towards him with sultry smirk. "So, are you ready?" she asked, leaning in closer to him, nose to nose.

Felix pulled back and furrowed his brow, blushing. Ready? Ready for what? Was there something she knew that he didn't? He knew people got married and something else happened and people had children. How that happened he was purely in the dark about. He set his glass next to hers quietly and stared into her blue eyes. "What do you mean? Ready?"

Her eyes traveled up and down his body. "Ah, well, you know, erm, a little fun?" She groaned when all he did was raise an eyebrow. She stood abruptly and began pacing back and forth in front of the couch, pausing to look at him, holding a hand out saying, "Jiminy Christmas, you don't know do you?"

"Know what?" He rose to his feet nervously and took her hand in his. "What's wrong? Did I do something?"

This time she laughed. She doubled over and wrapped her arms around her waist, cackling and chortling loudly. She didn't care if she woke up the whole building, this was too much. Of all things for a man _not _to know about it would have to be _that_. The laughter continued a few more minutes with numerous chuckles and gasps for air. Surely Felix thought her crazy. She was laughing hysterics! Though he was just as crazy. If he didn't know what married people do, there certainly was a major problem. A major problem that needed remedied.

She finally caught her breath and sat back down on the couch. Her chest heaved and she held a hand to her heart as she calmed down. Her lips curled into a smile as she looked up at him and shook her head. "Felix, do you know what married people do?"

"Ah, well, I know that marriage is supposed to be happy and people live together and stuff like that, right?"

"For the love of all that is code," she muttered, running a hand down her face. "All right Sweetums, we're gonna have a talk and you might want to sit down for this one."

* * *

"And that is what married people do, my sweet."

Half an hour later and Felix's brain felt close to imploding. He had never felt himself honeyglow more in his life than within the past half an hour and doubted he would ever again. Not only that, but never before had he heard such vulgar language being used and anytime Tammy would use a word to describe a "naughty part" he had to withhold the urge to plug his ears. He remained sitting there motionless as everything she had explained about "fun time" registered in his mind, mouth agape and eyes wide.

She couldn't help chuckling when she saw him squirm a bit from in front of her. She had explained everything he needed to know about "fun time" and if she was honest with herself, his reaction was actually kind of cute. His face was red as a tomato and his expression absolutely priceless. What she would give to have a picture of his face at that moment. She brought her legs up and onto the couch, crossing them indian style and waited for him to respond.

He withdrew his hat from atop his head and pulled at his collar fervently. Gee golly what to say to all this. He cleared his throat and glanced down and pointed below his beltline. "So this?" He motioned over towards her, his gesture settling on a spot below her belly button. "And that?" With a quirky grin, he clasped his hands together in front of his face. "Together?"

"Mhmm. That's how it works short stack," she said, leaning forward. She propped an elbow on her knee and rested her head in the cup of her palm with a goofy smirk. "I probably scarred you for life didn't I?"

He nodded briskly.

She sighed. "Oh well, the best way to overcome a fear is stare it straight in the eye." Before he could protest, she scooped him up into her arms and began traipsing towards the bed. She placed a kiss on his forehead and sat down on the edge of the mattress and turned his body to face her. With a sultry grin, she said, "So put on your big boy slacks and kiss me already, you big dope." With that, she closed the small gap between them. So what if he didn't exactly know what this whole 'romance' thing was all about...well, after tonight, he'd get over it.

**So this is my first WIR fic but this was so fun to write and hope you enjoyed reading it as much I did writing it. I love the idea of having Felix(being an older game and character and all) be completely in the dark about romance and such.**

**Thank you so much reading and a big thanks to icearoudnthemoon for being my beta!- Regards, SF15**


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